Honesty is crucial
Here’s how to do it.
When two humans engage in conflict, it’s because they are having interpersonal problems.
In intimate or romantic contexts, conflict often comes from poor communication.
Healthy intimate or romantic relationships have honesty at their core. Without honesty, people play games and suffocate their truth.
This is where radical honesty comes in play; expressing exactly how we feel, and think about something or someone.
Being radically honest boils down to saying what you are afraid of communicating because you have no control over the other’s reaction.
Spilling open our heart is one thing, doing it effectively is another.
« The story I tell myself… »
Your brain thinks thoughts all the time, even when you’re dreaming you are hearing stories about what is happening in the dream.
Every waking minute, you experience the world through the stories you tell yourself about it.
The most effective way of sharing the difficult thing you have to share is by starting your sentence with: « the story I tell myself is… ».
It does the fantastic trick of making you 100% responsible for the truth you have to share.
It also removes the judgmental aspect of your sharing.
It keeps the focus on your story, as a story happening in your head.
Because really, it’s nothing else but a story that you tell yourself.
So please give it a try. Tell your spouse how you really feel when they don’t show signs of affection.
Or share with your partner the thing you are most afraid of.
It might sound counterintuitive but it’s probably the most considerate thing you could do.
